Give Thanks...

Tonight I write with a heavy heart.... I never believed that I would be this open in this blog. I've always written my thoughts down and hid them away for only me to see. I DON'T want people to think that I'm selfish and that my heart is the only one that hurts this badly. Truth is it doesn't even come close. I do my best to put up a strong front for my friends and family because I know I need to be strong.
Driving to the church this morning I prayed to God, asking Him to give us a great day filled with memories and not sadness. The last time we had been all been together was the funeral. I pull in and I saw Jamie and the girls at his grave and all of this emotion came to me. Tears just started rolling down my face. I begged God to help me get through this. I need to be strong I kept telling myself. For those girls, my family, and for myself.
We had lots of laughter. My dad and Jamie still "fight" over the salt and pepper shakers. Even though there is more than one they want the SAME one. :) Some things never change. We always talk about how she's my dad aunt, yet my dad is older than her. They always get a kick out of making fun of each other.
I have to admit in the years past I've always tried to find a way to leave early. Not because I don't love my family, I was just ready to leave. Today was different. I sat and played games for hours and couldn't believe how fast the time was flying. Before I knew it, hours had gone by and everyone was cleaning up to go home. Time to tell everyone that we would see them soon. Hugs came and the one thing that broke my heart was the sight of Jamie tearing up. You could tell it's soooo hard on her. First holiday and first everything. By that time I knew I was going to break down and cry right in front of everyone and I didn't want to that now. I had to walk away just to calm myself down...
I was reading someones blog today and it really hit me. She was talking about how she's struggled this week. She asked herself what she was thankful for....but found nothing. She was like how do I tell God that I'm thankful that he took my baby away from me? I can't be thankful for that. Later she goes on to explain that her little girl said.. Mommy, you can be thankful because she's in heaven and we'll get to see her someday. I was just like WOW. God is truly amazing. We ARE thankful that He took Jim because one day we WILL get to see him again.
In the coming weeks, those girls will celebrate their first Christmas, New Years, and Jim's birthday without him. I ask one thing from all of you that read this. I ask that you pray for their family. Give them strength to get through these times.
I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving and didn't eat too much. :)
I better finish up since I'm leaving @ 4:45 am to do some crazy shopping! Anyways keep looking up! God bless!