Give Thanks...

Tonight I write with a heavy heart.... I never believed that I would be this open in this blog. I've always written my thoughts down and hid them away for only me to see. I DON'T want people to think that I'm selfish and that my heart is the only one that hurts this badly. Truth is it doesn't even come close. I do my best to put up a strong front for my friends and family because I know I need to be strong.
Driving to the church this morning I prayed to God, asking Him to give us a great day filled with memories and not sadness. The last time we had been all been together was the funeral. I pull in and I saw Jamie and the girls at his grave and all of this emotion came to me. Tears just started rolling down my face. I begged God to help me get through this. I need to be strong I kept telling myself. For those girls, my family, and for myself.
We had lots of laughter. My dad and Jamie still "fight" over the salt and pepper shakers. Even though there is more than one they want the SAME one. :) Some things never change. We always talk about how she's my dad aunt, yet my dad is older than her. They always get a kick out of making fun of each other.
I have to admit in the years past I've always tried to find a way to leave early. Not because I don't love my family, I was just ready to leave. Today was different. I sat and played games for hours and couldn't believe how fast the time was flying. Before I knew it, hours had gone by and everyone was cleaning up to go home. Time to tell everyone that we would see them soon. Hugs came and the one thing that broke my heart was the sight of Jamie tearing up. You could tell it's soooo hard on her. First holiday and first everything. By that time I knew I was going to break down and cry right in front of everyone and I didn't want to that now. I had to walk away just to calm myself down...
I was reading someones blog today and it really hit me. She was talking about how she's struggled this week. She asked herself what she was thankful for....but found nothing. She was like how do I tell God that I'm thankful that he took my baby away from me? I can't be thankful for that. Later she goes on to explain that her little girl said.. Mommy, you can be thankful because she's in heaven and we'll get to see her someday. I was just like WOW. God is truly amazing. We ARE thankful that He took Jim because one day we WILL get to see him again.
In the coming weeks, those girls will celebrate their first Christmas, New Years, and Jim's birthday without him. I ask one thing from all of you that read this. I ask that you pray for their family. Give them strength to get through these times.
I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving and didn't eat too much. :)
I better finish up since I'm leaving @ 4:45 am to do some crazy shopping! Anyways keep looking up! God bless!

I had a my appointment yesterday and good news the doctor wasn't concerned with my lab results his words were "your labs look great." That made me feel so much better. He increased my medicine from 60mg a day to 80mg and also an antibiotic, he says this month we will begin to see faster results! :) I'm so excited it's been a long time since my face has been clear. July to be exact! With my day going well I decided to do some retail therapy. I was in the shoe buying "mode." When I came home my dad just didn't understand why I needed new shoes when I have plenty in my closet! :) (I don't know if he'll ever understand)
While a was shopping a got more good news.... Baby Herron is Perfect!! Praise God! They got the test results back yesterday and everything is perfect. I'm so happy for that family! Love them! :)
Tonight has been a little difficult for me. My dad flew to Mississippi today to be with my aunt tomorrow for her surgery (Please pray that everything will go smoothly). Last night when I came home from eville I just hugged him because for some selfish reason I didn't want him to go. I wanted him to be here with us. I know it's only 6 days. But with the events of these pass two weeks you never know. This morning I made sure I hugged him and let him know that I loved him. My dad has not even been gone 24 hours and it makes my heart break to pieces to think about those girls and Jamie. I can't even begin to describe the pain they must feel. Sometimes you think you don't know how to go on without Jim but the truth is we are. Yes it still hurts, and yes we will always be reminded of him. But those girls have something amazing to look forward to and that's when they can see him again! God has special plans for them!
Tonight this verse has been in my head:
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind......Luke 10:27

I've heard it a million times but it still reminds me that He is in control of my life and I just have to love Him with everything I have!
Well I'm heading off to bed! Enjoy the weekend! :) God Bless!

Not so good results..

Today has been one of those days. It started off by waking up at 6:40 when I usually wake up alot earlier and I'm out the door by 7 to make it to VU by 8. Well today I made it there at 8:10. My first class went well and my plan was to go get all my LAB work done for my doctor appointment tomorrow. Last night I put my lab slip in my mom purse so I wouldn't forget it at home and she would take it to work with her. So I get to her office and it's not there... hmmm(still not sure where it's at) Anyways, I had to call them and have them fax a new one. Lunch time came around and I just felt sick to my stomach. I was afraid to eat but knew if I didn't I would so starving by supper. I ate but the rest of the day my stomach just hurt so bad.
After my last class I went back to my mom's work to wait for her to get off work. I noticed my lab results were sitting there so I took a look. My cholesterol has risen while being on this medicine. Last month it was 174? and this month it's 204. If it gets too high I have to go off this medicine that's finally starting to clear up my face. I don't know what the Dr. thinks is too high. I know the range was 100-200. I'm worried and nervous about my appointment tomorrow. I don't want to go off this medicine. Everything else looked good which made me feel a little better. I'm going to try and stay positive. I'll give an update about how the appointment goes later! I'm going to do some major "retail therapy" tomorrow and try and get some of my Christmas shopping done! Anyways, hope everyone is having a good week. ...and if today got you down just remember tomorrow is a new day!

**Please keep Maria in your prayers tonight! for those who know who i'm talking about she gets her test results back tomorrow!

Life goes on.....

Friday night was filled with many old memories, laughter, and of course yummy food. Brooke's Birthday!!! haha (two weeks early) It has been a long time since I have been able to laugh that much. I always feel like I shouldn't be having a good time when people are dealing with such hurt in their lives. In about three hours it will mark 2 weeks since this nightmare happened and the hurt is still there. BUT from this point on I need to be strong for those girls and Jamie. With Thanksgiving around the corner and our annual black friday day with britt and Jamie, things will be different. It was so different last weekend when we had all the Miller's here because it's not the same without Jim. I think Britt mentioned in her blog about how she was just waiting for him to show up and honestly it does feel like that. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away.
Last night, Me and Emily went to see the movie Fireproof in Jasper. I loved it. I encourage everyone to see it. It reminded me that God loves us even when we reject him over and over again. What an AWESOME God!! :)
Anyways, Happy Birthday to Jamie yesterday!!! ..and as you go through your week remember to keep britt, bri,bay and jamie in your thoughts and prayers! Love you guys! Have a good week!

What breaks my heart

Gage.. my eleven year old brother broke down at school today just sobbing and no one understood why. Mrs. O'Brian took him aside to ask him what was wrong. Is this about Jim? He said yes and that him and Jim talked about doing many things together that they never got the chance! When this story was told to me I couldn't do anything else but cry for Gage. God has blessed him with a heart of gold. A came across something Gage wrote the other night and this is what it said....
JIM IN MY HEART FOR EVER
JIM WAT A MAN WAS ALWAYS CARING FOR OTHER PEOPLE BEFORE HIM SELF. I WOULD ALWAYS GO TO THE CAMPGROUND, AND IF JIM WOULDN'T MAKE HIS HOMEMADE ICECREAM I WOULDN'T GO. HE WAS MY GREAT UNCLE BUT I LOVED HIM LIKE ANOTHER DAD... REALLY. HE CARED FOR US, BY US, I MEAN EVERYONE. HE WAS A LOVING, HEART FILLED MAN. HE ALWAYS HAD TO DO SOMETHING, AND THATS WHY WE LOVE HIM. I PLAY BASKETBALL AND ONCE I WAYS OUT SIDE AND HE DROVE BY IN THE K-K TRUCK. HEY SMILEY. THATS MY NAME HE COULD MY COUSEN JEREMY AND I.HE SAID ONETIME SAID SMILEY LETS GO TO THE GYM BUT I COULDN'T.HE SAID OH MAN, HE KEPT GOING. WE NEVER GOT GO TO THE GYM, AND I WISH HE WAS HERE AND WE GO TO THE GYM EVERYDAY I COULD GO. LOVE THE MILLERS AND EVERYONE WHO KNOWEN JIM. I KNOW IT IS REALLY HARD REALLY U GUYS TAKE CARE. LOVE U JAMIE BRI, BAY, AND CINERRALLA
For those of you who don't know about Jim. He was our Great Uncle. He's a brother to my grandpa. Jim went to be an angel almost two weeks ago.
I've struggled these past two weeks excepting what God has thrown into my life. My heart breaks every time I read Britt's blog (even the happy ones) because I feel that no one should ever suffer that much hurt and have to pick up the pieces and move on. Brittany is one strong, powerful, blessed, and loving person I have ever met. Right now I'm speechless, all day I have many thoughts but now I'm struggling to get them down. I'm going to go for now. If I could leave you with one thing: Please tell those you love how much you love them. Give extra hugs and kisses and always thank God for the time and blessings He gives us! God Bless!