Alone?

Today was my first day at preschool, since Ethan has been back. When I got there he was in my room sleeping like an angel. :) I just wanted to go over to him and snuggle with him. When we woke up, Ethan wanted me to read to him. We read... Puppy goes to school?.. i think that's what it's called. As I was reading my mind drifted to his mom. Wondering what she's thinking about up there? Is she sad or happy...
I wasn't even going to write on here tonight. This is something that I just wanted to keep to myself but it's hard. I was reading a follow bloggers page and it said to talk to someone even if it's a computer. So that's what I'm doing. When Ethan's dad came to pick him up today my heart was crushed into tiny pieces of glass. You could see in his eyes all the pain and hurt he was still having to deal with, while being strong for his little boy. (Ethan looks so much like his mom) Good thing I had sunglasses on because my eyes were full of tears. I left preschool around 5 and headed to the Y. I seem to do my best thinking there.
..........I don't know how to explain how I feel. I only wanted to call one person this afternoon. But I knew that this person and I haven't been the same over the last few months. Our lives have changed dramatically. I knew she would be able to help and just "listen" to me. I knew she is the only person that would "get me." Yes, I have other friends but I just wanted this ONE. I know she's struggling with her own battles, but at that selfish moment, I needed her. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to call. I wouldn't even know where to start a conversation.
Then I got to thinking about my other friends. I don't ever really see them or talk to them? I feel so alone sometimes and I guess today is just one of those days when I wanted a friend to talk to and didn't have anyone. I think this is another reason my relationship with God has blossomed over the past few months and in that sense I'm not complaining.
OK ok enough of this depressing stuff... I PROMISE my next post will be a happy one. I have pictures of Gage's Gym Rats weekend.
My song of the week: The Climb by Miley Cyrus, the lyrics are amazing! here are some that struck me the most.
The struggles I'm facin'
The chances I'm takin'
Sometimes the knock me down but
No I'm not breakin'
I may not know it
But these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most
Just gotta keep goin'
And I gotta be STRONG
Just keep pushing on
Cause there's always gonna be another mountain..

I've added the song to my play list if you wanna hear all of it.
Have a good rest of the week!
Continue to pray for the Boes family, they still have a lot of healing to do!
Love ya all! Goodnight