It's the only word I can use to describe myself. I've had a rough week. I haven't had much sleep this week. Lets back up. My last post I mentioned how my brother lost a dear friend. Tuesday I watched my brother as they laid his best friend in the ground. I watched his blank stare and you could see the hurt. People continue to ask how my Lance is doing. I only hope he's turning to God for his needs.
Next, I worked Tuesday night, Wednesday, and Thursday. Trying to keep myself busy. Then the next couple of nights I haven't been able to sleep without irruptions. Friday night it stormed and the blew was blowing. I had parked my car under our basketball goal and I kept thinking that the goal was going to fall on my car because the goal has been known to do that. So I got out of bed at 4 something in the morning and moved my car, along with rolling up the truck windows in the rain. Saturday, I was woke up around 4:45 am with a call from someone dear that just needed some help. She's family so I didn't think twice about answering. I couldn't go back to sleep. Then came last night, Sunday.
11:30pm I had just fell asleep and the phone rang, I felt like it was a lot later than it was. My heart sunk. I had to answer it. It's my Grandma Miller. She needed my dad. I knew in her voice something wasn't right. It's my grandpa. His heart was skipping beats and he knew something wasn't right. The thoughts running through my head were insane. My dad left in such a hurry.
.....I crawled in my bed and covered up and just prayed. I couldn't lose him not yet. My body was shaking. I replayed everything that had happened that day. We went to Providence with them that day, we had them over for lunch that day, and we laid around and watched the race. But I couldn't recall tell them that I loved them or even see you later. That's not like me. SO, I was pleaded with God, to give me another chance.
....My mom came in and laid down and put her arms around me. I told her I was so scared. She's knows my relationship with my grandpa is one of a kind. I'm the only granddaughter and he makes it known and loves me soo much that I've never doubted it. I know it's silly but I'm always praying that he out lives me. Last night I thought I was losing him. Then I felt a sense of peace. I didn't know to trust that feeling or not. My mom came in at almost 3am telling me that they had things under control and he was going be okay. I then could close my eyes, Thank God, and fall asleep.
Today I've struggled. I don't know if it's because I'm just exhausted or what. I just haven't been myself.
Sorry that this is long, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening if you got through all of this.
Keep looking up and I'll do the same
Hope you have a good week!
Christmas 07
I love you Papaw! I hope to spend many more years with you! :)
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